Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
