Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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