she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
