Sponge bath it is.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
