Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
