guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
