just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
