I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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