DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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