At least make sure they are 18
Why
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
