McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
