Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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