i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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