I am in a vortex of obligation.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
