went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
