he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
