You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
