the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
