What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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