tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
