Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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