I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
