the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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