I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
