she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found your dick twin last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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