omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
