I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
