dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
