the day after is always just damage control
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
