I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
