I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
