Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize