I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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