i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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