I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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