At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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