you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
