is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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