1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
