I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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