I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
