Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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