My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
