just tell him i said nine months
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
