you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
