Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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