I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i dont even know how to be here
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
