So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
