I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
