How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
