We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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