He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
