I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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