bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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