some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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