she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize