There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
