May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
