and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
