you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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