i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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