those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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