She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you never un-have a 4some
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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