A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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