Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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