things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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