question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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