you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His nipple licking is glorious
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