it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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