Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
