How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
